Noise

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The noise is back and it's filling up my head again.

Winter has taken over this entire country, whether there's snow on the ground or not. Apparently a geographic answer isn't the only one I need.

Who would have thought (other than all the people who told me just that)?

So, now I find myself at a loss for words once again to thoroughly explain just what happens to me each time the weather turns. But my head is filled with static and it's terribly distracting. I usually have multiple feeds flowing upstairs and a soundtrack running and now the whole thing runs with a filter of static over it, like the snow you see on TV when a channel goes off the air for the night.

I always end up hibernating and spend long stretches of time indoors (which only turns into a vicious cycle with the whole "lack-of-sunlight" thing). I took the bus early the other morning to head to my car for my weekly move and realized I hadn't been on the bus for far too long and therefore hadn't ventured very far from the hostel in quite some time.

I also get moody quite easily... or rather my mood swings back and forth. The other night I snapped at a homeless guy. On my way back home from Trader Joe's some guy hit me up for change. This city has turned me quite cold about the whole homeless thing as I get hit up for money no fewer than 4 times each time I make the walk to work (about 20 minutes). I shrugged this guy off, yet he persisted.

"C'mon, man. Just a couple bucks for a cup of coffee."

That's when I snapped and my voice raised more and more as I rehashed my day, how I had been at work since 8am (it was now 12:30 at night), and I still didn't have any money to spend. I asked him what the hell he had done with his day, since I was still broke, couldn't really afford food, but I still managed to go to work. He just stared blankly at me and after a beat said, "It ain't that much man, just enough for a cup of coffee." His hand had stayed extended and open through my entire rant and continued to hold it's position even after. For a second, I though about hitting the guy. Instead I turned and walked back home. He mumbled something that I chose to ignore.

My stupid tolerance always runs short this time of year, too. Someone called the hostel today and asked me the same set of questions 6 times each. I was very polite throughout the conversation but was running out of steam near the end, particularly when he asked me for the 7th time how long the travel time was from the airport. He asked over and over and over again how long a shuttle would take him from the hostel to the airport and I explained that it always depends on traffic but the shuttle service always plans it out right for the time of day to get you there on time. It was like talking to one of those automated operators - if you didn't use the magical words they were looking for, it didn't matter how detailed and thorough you were in answering their question. they were going to ask it again and again. Like when we had lunch with Wesley Willis and he asked Loren Wells if his dad repaired electronics.

"Your daddy repairs electronics, right?"

"Yup," Loren replied.

The question was repeated several more times and Loren replied "Yup" each time. Finally, it dawned on all of us and Loren said, "Right." The question was then considered answered by Wesley.

Here's the deal. Wesley was a 300-pound schizophrenic artist. What's your excuse, pal?

And this is exactly what I mean. No particular reason for it. I just get irritated with so many little things. I really though I could hide out from it, or that Illinois was the problem, or it was the snow. Now... well... I dunno.

This is the time of year I start having bizarre thoughts, like how it wouldn't be so bad if I got hit by a car and ended up in a coma until spring. It's so bizarre, I have no choice but to laugh sometimes.

I need a break.