SAN FRANCISCO, CA - "So, Nick, seriously. What are you doing?"
This seems to be the second most asked question of me these days, right after, "Huh?" (which is usually in response to something random that has accidentally fallen out of my mouth). The question is asked so often lately that, in the eloquent words of a wonderful commenter who seems to have genuinely missed the point of everything about me, it makes me "want to puke a little bit in my mouth."
The question is asked, almost without fail, during every phone conversation I have with someone outside of this state. It even pops up with people here in California. The main gist of the question seems to be about the nature of this trip.
What am I doing?
I suppose this whole adventure was cute and fuzzy when I embarked on it four months ago. "Awww, gee, look. The little guy is heading out into the big world to 'discover himself' or something. Isn't that fun?" Nick was going on an vacation, right?
Despite the repeated assertions on my part, most everyone seemed to think this was my little split from reality temporarily. Finally having that breakdown that was just waiting to happen. "Nick doesn't need to have himself committed for a few months or anything. He's just gonna get in his car, spend all his savings while driving around taking pictures for a while, then he'll be back and everything will be peaches 'n' cream again."
Case in point (no offense, guys): My parents initially seemed very excited about this idea. When talking with friends, I was a weird, genius child who was out traveling the country and had a fun website that people could check out and enjoy. Lately, though, I've become the eccentric child who lives in a hostel in San Francisco. I suppose it's a little harder to find people who will respond, "Oh, wonderful!" to a statement like that.
They're not the only ones though. In the course of 12 hours recently, I was asked that question by five different people. "What are you doing, Nick?" Unfortunately, my poor dad was the fifth one and I was fed up with the question by that point, which I'm sure I explained rather harshly and probably ended the conversation soon after. Sorry 'bout that.
So, what's the answer?
Well, here's the scoop, Sports Racers. I spend large parts of the day sitting in a fog, lost in a thought traffic jam. Sometimes I almost end up in real traffic because I lose track of what I'm doing at the moment... a lot. I usually sleep 5 hours a night, waking up intermittently. You want to know why I so frequently end up being the last person to leave, the last person in bed each night, up at ridiculous hours? If I can just exhaust myself enough, maybe I won't have to lay in that bed alone with my thoughts. If I can just pummel myself into a delirium, maybe I'll just pass out when my head hits the pillow, sleep a few hours, and start anew the next day. Because when I'm not sleeping, I lay awake in bed, looking into the dark, pondering this issue over and over and over. And you know what?
I. Don't. Know.
The personal frustration that follows that statement is tough to describe.
Now here's my question. Since the consensus seems to be swinging toward the belief that I'm on vacation, will someone please tell me...
When exactly does it begin?
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
Number 100
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - So, this makes an even 100 blog posts thus far. Just thought that was worth noting. Not much to report at the moment other than the fact I just got back from yet another early Monday morning adventure in moving my car for street cleaning. I thought my car was broken today (turns out it's not).
Otherwise, I'm ready to take a nap.
For anyone interested, here's a link that I couldn't help but crack up over.
http://food.yahoo.com/blog/editorspicks/7112/make-take-out-healthier-dishes-to-order-and-avoid
It's all about varieties of fast(ish) ethnic foods and the good and bad picks. Almost without exception I love the bad stuff and can't stand the good stuff. Maybe this is why my body hates me and seeks revenge most of the time.
Otherwise, I'm ready to take a nap.
For anyone interested, here's a link that I couldn't help but crack up over.
http://food.yahoo.com/blog/editorspicks/7112/make-take-out-healthier-dishes-to-order-and-avoid
It's all about varieties of fast(ish) ethnic foods and the good and bad picks. Almost without exception I love the bad stuff and can't stand the good stuff. Maybe this is why my body hates me and seeks revenge most of the time.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Mini-Pig, Baby-Poop, Gut-Busters, And-More
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Mini-pigs exist and I have to admit... I kinda want one.
Monika brought mini-pigs to our attention last night. I don't know how much they cost, I don't know where to get them, I don't even know if they're legal in this country, but I do know this...
...they'd make one hell of a delicious Ham 'n' Cheese. Just think... deep frying one of those, sticking it between two slices of bread with some fine cheese and maybe a little mustard. Mmmmm....
You need to aim a little lower, buddy.
In other news, Nadine and Quetzal finally dyed their hair. They used henna.
If you don't know, henna smells like a lovely combination of baby poo and hay. Which meant the room smelled like a lovely combination of baby poo and hay for several days.
Also, I've got Dave on what is soon to become my patented "Chicago-Style Diet." See, Dave wants to put on a little meat. And I clearly know how to do that (despite rumors floating around that I am looking thinner these days). So we're starting the meat-cheese-carb regimen.
Cheese-covered cheese is the name of the game and Dave is fighting me every step of the way. I keep reminding him that he asked for it. He's a terrible trainee. Every suggestion is met with resistance. I tell him to take a nap - he cleans his room instead. I suggest walking up the five flights of stairs each day, taking small breaks at each flight - he runs up them instead. I suggest a late-night snack of pumpkin pie - he eats organic, unsalted, raw peanuts instead. I need 110% here, Dave. You're giving me somewhere around 12%.
Today, we went out for a gut-buster feast at Buster's. They make the best Philly cheesesteaks around here. I told Dave to go in and order for himself while I ran across the street to get some cash. I got back, ordered my feast, and then discovered that he had skimped out. Yes, I am proud of him for ordering the large cheesesteak and making sure to get Cheese Whiz on it instead of something real, but he didn't get any cheese fries or a soda.
What's that all about?
I'm gonna have to start charging him for my services if it's gonna take this much work on my part. I feel like I'm going to end up as one of those trainers that scream at people. Maybe it'll be good for me.
Oh well, at least the food was good.
Every time someone eats one of these, a hippie's hacky sack falls down a gutter.
Oh yeah. And the Flying Scotsman loves showing Market Street what the good Lord blessed him with.
And Berkeley looked awfully fake yesterday...
...but they sell a pretty mean hat at the Berkeley Hat Co.
That's all for now.
Monika brought mini-pigs to our attention last night. I don't know how much they cost, I don't know where to get them, I don't even know if they're legal in this country, but I do know this...
...they'd make one hell of a delicious Ham 'n' Cheese. Just think... deep frying one of those, sticking it between two slices of bread with some fine cheese and maybe a little mustard. Mmmmm....
You need to aim a little lower, buddy.
In other news, Nadine and Quetzal finally dyed their hair. They used henna.
If you don't know, henna smells like a lovely combination of baby poo and hay. Which meant the room smelled like a lovely combination of baby poo and hay for several days.
Also, I've got Dave on what is soon to become my patented "Chicago-Style Diet." See, Dave wants to put on a little meat. And I clearly know how to do that (despite rumors floating around that I am looking thinner these days). So we're starting the meat-cheese-carb regimen.
Cheese-covered cheese is the name of the game and Dave is fighting me every step of the way. I keep reminding him that he asked for it. He's a terrible trainee. Every suggestion is met with resistance. I tell him to take a nap - he cleans his room instead. I suggest walking up the five flights of stairs each day, taking small breaks at each flight - he runs up them instead. I suggest a late-night snack of pumpkin pie - he eats organic, unsalted, raw peanuts instead. I need 110% here, Dave. You're giving me somewhere around 12%.
Today, we went out for a gut-buster feast at Buster's. They make the best Philly cheesesteaks around here. I told Dave to go in and order for himself while I ran across the street to get some cash. I got back, ordered my feast, and then discovered that he had skimped out. Yes, I am proud of him for ordering the large cheesesteak and making sure to get Cheese Whiz on it instead of something real, but he didn't get any cheese fries or a soda.
What's that all about?
I'm gonna have to start charging him for my services if it's gonna take this much work on my part. I feel like I'm going to end up as one of those trainers that scream at people. Maybe it'll be good for me.
Oh well, at least the food was good.
Every time someone eats one of these, a hippie's hacky sack falls down a gutter.
Oh yeah. And the Flying Scotsman loves showing Market Street what the good Lord blessed him with.
And Berkeley looked awfully fake yesterday...
...but they sell a pretty mean hat at the Berkeley Hat Co.
That's all for now.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Noise
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The noise is back and it's filling up my head again.
Winter has taken over this entire country, whether there's snow on the ground or not. Apparently a geographic answer isn't the only one I need.
Who would have thought (other than all the people who told me just that)?
So, now I find myself at a loss for words once again to thoroughly explain just what happens to me each time the weather turns. But my head is filled with static and it's terribly distracting. I usually have multiple feeds flowing upstairs and a soundtrack running and now the whole thing runs with a filter of static over it, like the snow you see on TV when a channel goes off the air for the night.
I always end up hibernating and spend long stretches of time indoors (which only turns into a vicious cycle with the whole "lack-of-sunlight" thing). I took the bus early the other morning to head to my car for my weekly move and realized I hadn't been on the bus for far too long and therefore hadn't ventured very far from the hostel in quite some time.
I also get moody quite easily... or rather my mood swings back and forth. The other night I snapped at a homeless guy. On my way back home from Trader Joe's some guy hit me up for change. This city has turned me quite cold about the whole homeless thing as I get hit up for money no fewer than 4 times each time I make the walk to work (about 20 minutes). I shrugged this guy off, yet he persisted.
"C'mon, man. Just a couple bucks for a cup of coffee."
That's when I snapped and my voice raised more and more as I rehashed my day, how I had been at work since 8am (it was now 12:30 at night), and I still didn't have any money to spend. I asked him what the hell he had done with his day, since I was still broke, couldn't really afford food, but I still managed to go to work. He just stared blankly at me and after a beat said, "It ain't that much man, just enough for a cup of coffee." His hand had stayed extended and open through my entire rant and continued to hold it's position even after. For a second, I though about hitting the guy. Instead I turned and walked back home. He mumbled something that I chose to ignore.
My stupid tolerance always runs short this time of year, too. Someone called the hostel today and asked me the same set of questions 6 times each. I was very polite throughout the conversation but was running out of steam near the end, particularly when he asked me for the 7th time how long the travel time was from the airport. He asked over and over and over again how long a shuttle would take him from the hostel to the airport and I explained that it always depends on traffic but the shuttle service always plans it out right for the time of day to get you there on time. It was like talking to one of those automated operators - if you didn't use the magical words they were looking for, it didn't matter how detailed and thorough you were in answering their question. they were going to ask it again and again. Like when we had lunch with Wesley Willis and he asked Loren Wells if his dad repaired electronics.
"Your daddy repairs electronics, right?"
"Yup," Loren replied.
The question was repeated several more times and Loren replied "Yup" each time. Finally, it dawned on all of us and Loren said, "Right." The question was then considered answered by Wesley.
Here's the deal. Wesley was a 300-pound schizophrenic artist. What's your excuse, pal?
And this is exactly what I mean. No particular reason for it. I just get irritated with so many little things. I really though I could hide out from it, or that Illinois was the problem, or it was the snow. Now... well... I dunno.
This is the time of year I start having bizarre thoughts, like how it wouldn't be so bad if I got hit by a car and ended up in a coma until spring. It's so bizarre, I have no choice but to laugh sometimes.
I need a break.
Winter has taken over this entire country, whether there's snow on the ground or not. Apparently a geographic answer isn't the only one I need.
Who would have thought (other than all the people who told me just that)?
So, now I find myself at a loss for words once again to thoroughly explain just what happens to me each time the weather turns. But my head is filled with static and it's terribly distracting. I usually have multiple feeds flowing upstairs and a soundtrack running and now the whole thing runs with a filter of static over it, like the snow you see on TV when a channel goes off the air for the night.
I always end up hibernating and spend long stretches of time indoors (which only turns into a vicious cycle with the whole "lack-of-sunlight" thing). I took the bus early the other morning to head to my car for my weekly move and realized I hadn't been on the bus for far too long and therefore hadn't ventured very far from the hostel in quite some time.
I also get moody quite easily... or rather my mood swings back and forth. The other night I snapped at a homeless guy. On my way back home from Trader Joe's some guy hit me up for change. This city has turned me quite cold about the whole homeless thing as I get hit up for money no fewer than 4 times each time I make the walk to work (about 20 minutes). I shrugged this guy off, yet he persisted.
"C'mon, man. Just a couple bucks for a cup of coffee."
That's when I snapped and my voice raised more and more as I rehashed my day, how I had been at work since 8am (it was now 12:30 at night), and I still didn't have any money to spend. I asked him what the hell he had done with his day, since I was still broke, couldn't really afford food, but I still managed to go to work. He just stared blankly at me and after a beat said, "It ain't that much man, just enough for a cup of coffee." His hand had stayed extended and open through my entire rant and continued to hold it's position even after. For a second, I though about hitting the guy. Instead I turned and walked back home. He mumbled something that I chose to ignore.
My stupid tolerance always runs short this time of year, too. Someone called the hostel today and asked me the same set of questions 6 times each. I was very polite throughout the conversation but was running out of steam near the end, particularly when he asked me for the 7th time how long the travel time was from the airport. He asked over and over and over again how long a shuttle would take him from the hostel to the airport and I explained that it always depends on traffic but the shuttle service always plans it out right for the time of day to get you there on time. It was like talking to one of those automated operators - if you didn't use the magical words they were looking for, it didn't matter how detailed and thorough you were in answering their question. they were going to ask it again and again. Like when we had lunch with Wesley Willis and he asked Loren Wells if his dad repaired electronics.
"Your daddy repairs electronics, right?"
"Yup," Loren replied.
The question was repeated several more times and Loren replied "Yup" each time. Finally, it dawned on all of us and Loren said, "Right." The question was then considered answered by Wesley.
Here's the deal. Wesley was a 300-pound schizophrenic artist. What's your excuse, pal?
And this is exactly what I mean. No particular reason for it. I just get irritated with so many little things. I really though I could hide out from it, or that Illinois was the problem, or it was the snow. Now... well... I dunno.
This is the time of year I start having bizarre thoughts, like how it wouldn't be so bad if I got hit by a car and ended up in a coma until spring. It's so bizarre, I have no choice but to laugh sometimes.
I need a break.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Tom Cruise Actually Believes South Park
I promise you, if you just sit through it, it is totally worth it.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
They Always Told Me I Used My Hands A Lot
The Onion Horoscope for the Week of January 10-16.
VIRGO (August 23-September 22)
You always thought that talking with your hands was something you did because you were Italian, but, as it turns out, it's because you're deaf.
Maybe I should have been an Aries.
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
Lately it seems like every time you open your mouth something terrible happens. Don't be alarmed: What you're suffering from is known as "food poisoning."
VIRGO (August 23-September 22)
You always thought that talking with your hands was something you did because you were Italian, but, as it turns out, it's because you're deaf.
Maybe I should have been an Aries.
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
Lately it seems like every time you open your mouth something terrible happens. Don't be alarmed: What you're suffering from is known as "food poisoning."
Bored At The Helm
A little bit bored at the front desk today, so it seems time to post random things I am finding online.
Baby Rice
Reminds me of working on that video with Tom and Ron...
UFO in texas pursued by military jets, say witnesses
Garbage truck converted to mobile home
HOWTO Make a magic fireball (flaming oily rag) -- UPDATED
Photos of Australian Tesla coil enthusiasts
Nanohazard symbol design competition
Movie mogul's answer to downloading: PSAs by Shia LaBeouf
My OpenCongress: track every bill and lawmaker in Congress
Wedding cake clone of bride
China's Ice and Snow World 2007
Woman who OD'd sues drug dealer
Lord of the Candy Rings
Probably the best news I've heard all week...
Ford Motors... ridiculous
Pirate Party!
Over-Uzi, Please
Plan 9 will never be the same
ZZ Top ain't got nothin' on these guys
Get fat, buy stuff
Octopi love Mr. Potatohead
The Letter E is Purple
And, of course, the best soft drink Scotland has to offer.
Thanks to Boing Boing, Salon, and the Flying Scotsman.
Oh yeah, and this one brings to mind half of my friends...
Baby Rice
Reminds me of working on that video with Tom and Ron...
UFO in texas pursued by military jets, say witnesses
Garbage truck converted to mobile home
HOWTO Make a magic fireball (flaming oily rag) -- UPDATED
Photos of Australian Tesla coil enthusiasts
Nanohazard symbol design competition
Movie mogul's answer to downloading: PSAs by Shia LaBeouf
My OpenCongress: track every bill and lawmaker in Congress
Wedding cake clone of bride
China's Ice and Snow World 2007
Woman who OD'd sues drug dealer
Lord of the Candy Rings
Probably the best news I've heard all week...
Ford Motors... ridiculous
Pirate Party!
Over-Uzi, Please
Plan 9 will never be the same
ZZ Top ain't got nothin' on these guys
Get fat, buy stuff
Octopi love Mr. Potatohead
The Letter E is Purple
And, of course, the best soft drink Scotland has to offer.
Thanks to Boing Boing, Salon, and the Flying Scotsman.
Oh yeah, and this one brings to mind half of my friends...
YogaCon
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The Yoga Convention is in town - as is the Macworld Conference, you nerds (I'll probably be borrowing a pass in the coming days, sigh...) - and the dare is on.
Will anyone accept?
Will anyone accept?
Ugh.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - So, I got sick. Again. That makes twice in two weeks. I'm pretty sure I must be dying. Seems to be the only reasonable conclusion.
Unfortunately, it was food poisoning. From In 'N' Out Burger. A Double Double Meal, Animal Style. I cried a little. Mostly because I don't think I'll be able to eat it ever again. Reminds me of the one time I got really sick after eating some chicken wraps my mom made (sorry, ma... that was a long time ago). I couldn't even look at a chicken wrap for years without throwing up a little in my mouth. That has since gone away, but now I can't think of fast food without wanting to vomitar. Probably a good thing, eh?
I won't go into the details of the food poisoning... it was short lived but certainly not pretty. A 24-hour diet of water and pretzels.
The worst part is that I had to call in to work the second time in two weeks as well. Which, for anyone who hasn't heard, means I have a part-time job now at Trader Joe's (as long as they don't fire me for continued absences). Haven't heard of Trader Joe's? What's wrong with you?
It's a pretty great grocer. Small and relatively "independent". Kind of like a big specialty store with food items from all around the world. And I get 10% off. Which has made me a favorite around the hostel, as "Two Buck Chuck" has officially become "Dollar-Eighty Chuck". I'm gonna start charging a handling fee.
Speaking of which, I've started a new game at work. It goes a little something like this. I'm always working the grocery aisle (that's "I sales" to you, Jeffery). It's the biggest part of the store, comprising of two aisles (in a store that only has four aisles to begin with). It covers everything except cereal, fruits, vegetables, and regular beverages. Which means wine. And if you know me, you know I don't know a damn thing about wine... something the customers are not aware of. So, here's the trick. Can I convince the customers I know anything about wine and, if so, can I get them to listen to me?
I got the idea from Jono, an Australian fella who stayed at the hostel. While going to school, he has been working at a wine shop. Funny thing is, he knows nothing about wine either. But he puts on a good show. When customers ask, he goes into great detail about "full flavors" and "woodiness" and any other crap that happens to fall out of his mouth. It turns out, most of those people who go into high-end wine shops and talk a mean game don't know a damn thing about wine either, because they listen to Jono and even thank him for his advice after the fact from time to time.
As it goes, wherever you go in life, most people are just as happy being sold the concept of something as they are being sold the thing itself. If I tell them I'm handing them the best thing ever and do so convincingly enough, they walk away just as happy as they would if they had done the hard work themselves to find a product that truly is quality. It seems like the only way to explain away things like people waiting in line for days to purchase an iPhone that deep down everyone knows isn't going to work correctly for the first few versions anyway.
That's the American Way, isn't it? When it really comes down to it, I want to be convinced something is good. Whether it's pizza or love or a new car, I want to be sold. Somehow it's more fulfilling that way, especially when you think there are other people out there who think the same thing. How many times in your life have you wanted to be the only one who knew about something that was good? Probably never. I don't want to be the only one who knows about that excellent dish at the little restaurant. But the trick is figuring out whether I don't want to be the only one because I desperately want to share this tasty thing with someone close to me or because I just simply don't want to be alone with it - I want someone else to know I have good taste.
So that's my new game: Can I sell the concept of good wine - something I know nothing about - to a stranger? Thus far, the answer seems to be "yes". Is it because my theory about everyone is correct or because ultimately no one really knows a damn thing about wine and anyone who pretends to is a fraud? Perhaps we'll never know.
Unfortunately, it was food poisoning. From In 'N' Out Burger. A Double Double Meal, Animal Style. I cried a little. Mostly because I don't think I'll be able to eat it ever again. Reminds me of the one time I got really sick after eating some chicken wraps my mom made (sorry, ma... that was a long time ago). I couldn't even look at a chicken wrap for years without throwing up a little in my mouth. That has since gone away, but now I can't think of fast food without wanting to vomitar. Probably a good thing, eh?
I won't go into the details of the food poisoning... it was short lived but certainly not pretty. A 24-hour diet of water and pretzels.
The worst part is that I had to call in to work the second time in two weeks as well. Which, for anyone who hasn't heard, means I have a part-time job now at Trader Joe's (as long as they don't fire me for continued absences). Haven't heard of Trader Joe's? What's wrong with you?
It's a pretty great grocer. Small and relatively "independent". Kind of like a big specialty store with food items from all around the world. And I get 10% off. Which has made me a favorite around the hostel, as "Two Buck Chuck" has officially become "Dollar-Eighty Chuck". I'm gonna start charging a handling fee.
Speaking of which, I've started a new game at work. It goes a little something like this. I'm always working the grocery aisle (that's "I sales" to you, Jeffery). It's the biggest part of the store, comprising of two aisles (in a store that only has four aisles to begin with). It covers everything except cereal, fruits, vegetables, and regular beverages. Which means wine. And if you know me, you know I don't know a damn thing about wine... something the customers are not aware of. So, here's the trick. Can I convince the customers I know anything about wine and, if so, can I get them to listen to me?
I got the idea from Jono, an Australian fella who stayed at the hostel. While going to school, he has been working at a wine shop. Funny thing is, he knows nothing about wine either. But he puts on a good show. When customers ask, he goes into great detail about "full flavors" and "woodiness" and any other crap that happens to fall out of his mouth. It turns out, most of those people who go into high-end wine shops and talk a mean game don't know a damn thing about wine either, because they listen to Jono and even thank him for his advice after the fact from time to time.
As it goes, wherever you go in life, most people are just as happy being sold the concept of something as they are being sold the thing itself. If I tell them I'm handing them the best thing ever and do so convincingly enough, they walk away just as happy as they would if they had done the hard work themselves to find a product that truly is quality. It seems like the only way to explain away things like people waiting in line for days to purchase an iPhone that deep down everyone knows isn't going to work correctly for the first few versions anyway.
That's the American Way, isn't it? When it really comes down to it, I want to be convinced something is good. Whether it's pizza or love or a new car, I want to be sold. Somehow it's more fulfilling that way, especially when you think there are other people out there who think the same thing. How many times in your life have you wanted to be the only one who knew about something that was good? Probably never. I don't want to be the only one who knows about that excellent dish at the little restaurant. But the trick is figuring out whether I don't want to be the only one because I desperately want to share this tasty thing with someone close to me or because I just simply don't want to be alone with it - I want someone else to know I have good taste.
So that's my new game: Can I sell the concept of good wine - something I know nothing about - to a stranger? Thus far, the answer seems to be "yes". Is it because my theory about everyone is correct or because ultimately no one really knows a damn thing about wine and anyone who pretends to is a fraud? Perhaps we'll never know.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
The List
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - As promised, the blog is up and running again on January 8th. My computer has been back for a few days. Of course, there was the inevitable Vista cleansing that needed to occupy the first few days (Vista, you truly are crap).
In the interest of trying to update this thing quickly, we're going to ring in the New Year with a list. Let's see if this thing can encompass the things that have happened/things I have learned in the past three weeks or so of my life into one entry.
Ready? Go.
#1. Paul Bunyan stayed at the hostel.
What a big fella. He tried to stay at the hostel under an assumed name (Patrick or something obviously fake like that), but Chris and I were quick to discover who he really was. After that point, we made it our personal goal to call him by his given name as much as possible and make sure everyone else did the same. By the end of the week, he seemed a little frustrated when no one believed him about his "name" being something other than Paul Bunyan. I think it was the big blue ox that truly gave him away. His frustration grew until he left the hostel for a few days. In his absence, I started compiling a list on our daily "to do" board I maintain that was chock full of "Paul Bunyan Facts." Similar to Chuck Norris facts, except better (and Paul Bunyan hasn't sued me yet).
Upon his return, Paul realized the error in his selfish ways and truly embraced our appreciation for him. He reciprocated the appreciation by vomiting on two beds one night, partially spilling onto Danny W., and passing out on a third. Way to go, Paul.
Sadly, Paul has left us again and rode Babe onto other, boring lands (Sacramento, I believe). He said he would return, but this doesn't seem to be true. Damn you, you giant lumberjack!
P.S. Paul Bunyan is so popular, they even printed his picture in the newspaper under another assumed name (David Bazan) and called him a folk singer. Weird.
#2. As mentioned earlier, things got weird for a bit. Dave started walking around, looking like a combination of the Dude and Howard Hughes, decked out in a bathrobe and Kleenex boxes for shoes. His fingernails got quite long and he mumbled about contamination a lot.
Chris... well, he just kind of... um... just see for yourself...
And... um... there's more...
Luckily, both Dave and Chris were able to take vacations away from the hostel and the descent into madness has slowed considerably.
There's also a video or two of me around, including one featuring some robot dancing, but, unfortunately, the video is not accessible by me so it can't be posted.
I know, I know, I'm upset about it too.
#3. A strange fella who wore his crazypants extra large and baggy came through the hostel. Chris and I ran into him on the street one night and ended up having him tag along for the evening. We should have known it was bad news when I was bullshitting while we were waiting forever for a bus and casually mentioned that he should ask a guy for a ride who happened to be parked right next to us at the curb waiting for a girl. Our new friend instantly jumped at this suggestion and we almost ended up dealing with a car jacking. I only caught a bit on video and unfortunately missed all of the part where he was climbing into the car despite the driver telling him he wouldn't give him a ride. Whoops.
This guy ended up at our hostel the next night and only after lying about being kicked out of the previous hostel down the street for bringing homeless bums in with him after close to hang out for some druggin'. What a winner. He's not allowed back in our building anymore either.
#4. Within a matter of weeks, both the RZA and Wu-Tang had shows in town and I didn't make it to either. The RZA invited people out for tea after his as well. I'm still working through the heartbreak.
#5. Black squirrels do truly exist. Crap.
#6. I discovered Japantown in San Fran. A lot like Chinatown, except much nicer and much more expensive. Even for items that have "Made in China" stamped on the bottom.
#7. Gene Simmons has competition.
#8. Danny Wong was maybe the most laid back guest we've ever had at the hostel.
Paul Bunyan got some vomit on him in the middle of the night ('cuz he was being a drunk asshole) and Danny just got up, headed to the showers, and washed his hair. The next morning when I found out I gave Bunyan a good load of crap for it and far exceeded any sort of authority I actually have at the hostel by threatening to kick him out. I said to Danny that I would have punched Bunyan for that and he said it wasn't that big a deal. After I was finished laughing, I told Danny he was a hell of an optimist.
His reply?
"Well, I am a member of the Optimists Club."
#9. A little Dim Sum place in Chinatown has a Machine. Well, THE Machine to be precise. I don't actually know what The Machine does, but I like to imagine that it is some sort of Transmogrifier. Or perhaps just a Duplicator or Time Machine.
#10. Everyone gets excited about hostel Christmas parties. Everyone.
#11. We have a team of people still working on the difficult issue of deciding whether or not it is morally wrong to take a donut hole from someone who is asleep at the donut shop.
I'll let you know when we get it sorted out.
#12. Jeff may be a grown man, but that doesn't mean he should be allowed anywhere near a Scrabble board. He's a sick, sick man.
#13. Hoedowns set to "Since She Started to Ride" are a good way to keep the memory of Chris fresh.
#14. We found a whip that was made of a goat's foot and had a questionable shape to it.
People leave the strangest things around the hostel.
#15. Don't feed Quetzal sugar. Ever. Not like avoiding feeding Mogwais only after midnight. I mean ever. Ever ever.
#15 1/2. I look awesome in women's sunglasses.
#16. Kentaro is a cool guy. Just wanted to say that. And he might be in Chicago soon. You guys should hang out.
#17. Schitt happens.
#18. This is what a Really, Really Free Market looks like.
I brought some things from the hostel lost and found to give away and ended up taking home a tripod, two posters, three books, a strand of shotgun shell Christmas lights, and a small backpack while Nadine brought home a priceless Lucha Libre shirt (which she promptly lost) and a sweet sweater/hoodie thing. All for free. No cash allowed. There were also free foot massages, food, and drinks.
And this guy led a sing-a-long/coloring/quick poetry reading/contest/thing.
And the bathroom had cool art in it.
#19. This is Lida. She opens bottles with her teeth. I'm frightened.
#20. HP sucks. The first day I got my computer, the battery was dead and wouldn't take a charge. I had to wait a week to send it back and get a new battery sent to me. Then within the first four months, the hard drive burned out.
I shoulda bought the Mac.
#21. Jeffery makes a beautiful naked snow angel. Or so I've been told. Wish I could have seen it in person.
#22. Boston Chris has a variation on the traditional hot dog that looks pretty damn good to me.
#23. New Year's here was no Times Square, but it was still a good time. And Times Square has no palm trees.
#24. I just saw There Will Be Blood last night and believe it may be the best movie I see all year. Too bad there's still about 357 days left in it.
Well, I think that about sums up the past month.
Please comment and let me know you still exist.
I plan on getting back on track with the point of this trip. Things have gotten a little off course as I have become distracted.
In the interest of trying to update this thing quickly, we're going to ring in the New Year with a list. Let's see if this thing can encompass the things that have happened/things I have learned in the past three weeks or so of my life into one entry.
Ready? Go.
#1. Paul Bunyan stayed at the hostel.
What a big fella. He tried to stay at the hostel under an assumed name (Patrick or something obviously fake like that), but Chris and I were quick to discover who he really was. After that point, we made it our personal goal to call him by his given name as much as possible and make sure everyone else did the same. By the end of the week, he seemed a little frustrated when no one believed him about his "name" being something other than Paul Bunyan. I think it was the big blue ox that truly gave him away. His frustration grew until he left the hostel for a few days. In his absence, I started compiling a list on our daily "to do" board I maintain that was chock full of "Paul Bunyan Facts." Similar to Chuck Norris facts, except better (and Paul Bunyan hasn't sued me yet).
Upon his return, Paul realized the error in his selfish ways and truly embraced our appreciation for him. He reciprocated the appreciation by vomiting on two beds one night, partially spilling onto Danny W., and passing out on a third. Way to go, Paul.
Sadly, Paul has left us again and rode Babe onto other, boring lands (Sacramento, I believe). He said he would return, but this doesn't seem to be true. Damn you, you giant lumberjack!
P.S. Paul Bunyan is so popular, they even printed his picture in the newspaper under another assumed name (David Bazan) and called him a folk singer. Weird.
#2. As mentioned earlier, things got weird for a bit. Dave started walking around, looking like a combination of the Dude and Howard Hughes, decked out in a bathrobe and Kleenex boxes for shoes. His fingernails got quite long and he mumbled about contamination a lot.
Chris... well, he just kind of... um... just see for yourself...
And... um... there's more...
Luckily, both Dave and Chris were able to take vacations away from the hostel and the descent into madness has slowed considerably.
There's also a video or two of me around, including one featuring some robot dancing, but, unfortunately, the video is not accessible by me so it can't be posted.
I know, I know, I'm upset about it too.
#3. A strange fella who wore his crazypants extra large and baggy came through the hostel. Chris and I ran into him on the street one night and ended up having him tag along for the evening. We should have known it was bad news when I was bullshitting while we were waiting forever for a bus and casually mentioned that he should ask a guy for a ride who happened to be parked right next to us at the curb waiting for a girl. Our new friend instantly jumped at this suggestion and we almost ended up dealing with a car jacking. I only caught a bit on video and unfortunately missed all of the part where he was climbing into the car despite the driver telling him he wouldn't give him a ride. Whoops.
This guy ended up at our hostel the next night and only after lying about being kicked out of the previous hostel down the street for bringing homeless bums in with him after close to hang out for some druggin'. What a winner. He's not allowed back in our building anymore either.
#4. Within a matter of weeks, both the RZA and Wu-Tang had shows in town and I didn't make it to either. The RZA invited people out for tea after his as well. I'm still working through the heartbreak.
#5. Black squirrels do truly exist. Crap.
#6. I discovered Japantown in San Fran. A lot like Chinatown, except much nicer and much more expensive. Even for items that have "Made in China" stamped on the bottom.
#7. Gene Simmons has competition.
#8. Danny Wong was maybe the most laid back guest we've ever had at the hostel.
Paul Bunyan got some vomit on him in the middle of the night ('cuz he was being a drunk asshole) and Danny just got up, headed to the showers, and washed his hair. The next morning when I found out I gave Bunyan a good load of crap for it and far exceeded any sort of authority I actually have at the hostel by threatening to kick him out. I said to Danny that I would have punched Bunyan for that and he said it wasn't that big a deal. After I was finished laughing, I told Danny he was a hell of an optimist.
His reply?
"Well, I am a member of the Optimists Club."
#9. A little Dim Sum place in Chinatown has a Machine. Well, THE Machine to be precise. I don't actually know what The Machine does, but I like to imagine that it is some sort of Transmogrifier. Or perhaps just a Duplicator or Time Machine.
#10. Everyone gets excited about hostel Christmas parties. Everyone.
#11. We have a team of people still working on the difficult issue of deciding whether or not it is morally wrong to take a donut hole from someone who is asleep at the donut shop.
I'll let you know when we get it sorted out.
#12. Jeff may be a grown man, but that doesn't mean he should be allowed anywhere near a Scrabble board. He's a sick, sick man.
#13. Hoedowns set to "Since She Started to Ride" are a good way to keep the memory of Chris fresh.
#14. We found a whip that was made of a goat's foot and had a questionable shape to it.
People leave the strangest things around the hostel.
#15. Don't feed Quetzal sugar. Ever. Not like avoiding feeding Mogwais only after midnight. I mean ever. Ever ever.
#15 1/2. I look awesome in women's sunglasses.
#16. Kentaro is a cool guy. Just wanted to say that. And he might be in Chicago soon. You guys should hang out.
#17. Schitt happens.
#18. This is what a Really, Really Free Market looks like.
I brought some things from the hostel lost and found to give away and ended up taking home a tripod, two posters, three books, a strand of shotgun shell Christmas lights, and a small backpack while Nadine brought home a priceless Lucha Libre shirt (which she promptly lost) and a sweet sweater/hoodie thing. All for free. No cash allowed. There were also free foot massages, food, and drinks.
And this guy led a sing-a-long/coloring/quick poetry reading/contest/thing.
And the bathroom had cool art in it.
#19. This is Lida. She opens bottles with her teeth. I'm frightened.
#20. HP sucks. The first day I got my computer, the battery was dead and wouldn't take a charge. I had to wait a week to send it back and get a new battery sent to me. Then within the first four months, the hard drive burned out.
I shoulda bought the Mac.
#21. Jeffery makes a beautiful naked snow angel. Or so I've been told. Wish I could have seen it in person.
#22. Boston Chris has a variation on the traditional hot dog that looks pretty damn good to me.
#23. New Year's here was no Times Square, but it was still a good time. And Times Square has no palm trees.
#24. I just saw There Will Be Blood last night and believe it may be the best movie I see all year. Too bad there's still about 357 days left in it.
Well, I think that about sums up the past month.
Please comment and let me know you still exist.
I plan on getting back on track with the point of this trip. Things have gotten a little off course as I have become distracted.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
A New Day For Blogging
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Happy New Year to everyone. I hope this year brings as many new and exciting things to everyone as the last did.
My computer is still screwed but it is currently being repaired. It will be back to me by the 8th. I hope everyone still checks this and will do so regularly again because the blog will be going constantly.
My computer is still screwed but it is currently being repaired. It will be back to me by the 8th. I hope everyone still checks this and will do so regularly again because the blog will be going constantly.
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