Etiquette Class

Good morning class.

When working in a public setting, one that requires near constant interaction with complete and utter strangers, there are certain things we Do and Don't Do. It's just the way society works. Common courtesy.

Random members of the public should not be subjected to you or your problems. You are there to serve them, not to interact with them on a purely human level. Keep this in mind. It will do you good in many aspects of your life.

For example, say you were at work the other night at... I don't know... say at a grocery store. And imagine that you were having another one of those infamous existential crises you seem to be oh-so-fond of and had managed to get yourself worked up into a state of near total panic right there in the midst of everyone. Now it doesn't matter how many hours you try to sit through this or what level of anxiety you are reaching or whether you think, "Sweet Jesus, why don't these people get it?" with each new transaction. Remember one thing. You are there for them. Not the other way around.

If a customer says, "Hi. How are you today?" the only acceptable response is, "Oh, I'm doing great! And how are you?"

Just to make sure this is crystal clear, here is a list of answers deemed NOT acceptable:

"Does it really matter? I mean, really? Does it matter?"

"Well, to be perfectly honest, I feel a bit shaky after just realizing I forgot to eat or drink anything all day long and my vision is a little fuzzy. I seem to be having difficulty seeing people today because I just kind of stare through them, instead more focused on the thoughts playing over and over and over again in my head. My heart is pounding. My hands are clammy. I'm thinking of just walking out in the middle of this whole thing..."

"What?!" (also unacceptable: "Huh?!")

"I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. How are you?" (partial credit is awarded here as you remembered to bring the focus back to the customer)

Blank, slack-jawed stares are also completely out of the question.


If you follow these simple guidelines, you can't go wrong! Remember, no one wants to hear about your crap, OK? Keep it on the surface and don't bother trying to make any real connection with someone. They are not there for you. They are there to get some eggs, a gallon of milk, and maybe some sugar they forgot they needed for the Annual Optimists Club Bake Sale. Don't weigh them down with your rambling.

And don't forget to smile!