Abducted

ROSWELL, NM - The plan for today was to head to Roswell and get abducted. You know. By a UFO. Nothing big. Just a long weekend.

It was a long drive through the desert. Roswell is in the middle of nowhere.



I was glad to get there. There's only so long I can watch the New Mexico desert drift by my windshield.

I didn't know what to expect of Roswell. I thought it would be pretty small. And I half expected the whole place to be alien obsessed. Turns out only a small little strip was "alien central."

I checked out the UFO Museum. A real homegrown place with a lot of information. Mostly printouts though. I was hoping for a lot of pieces or evidence. Turned out to be mostly pictures. At least the bathroom stall doors had UFO graffiti.



The best part was a replica carving of the Palenque Astronaut. See this link for more.



I guess UFO researchers have a sense of humor.



After the museum and the obligatory walk through the gift shop, it was time to wander through the rest of everything Roswell had to offer.



It seems any extraterrestrials that are out there must be incredibly interested in kitsch. Or at least that seems to be the hope of the good people of Roswell.





Hell, even the fast food flies at hyperspeed.







And you know, the only damn things that store didn't carry were snacks, soda, candy, and ice cream.

So, without any serious UFO stuff to check out, the photo op began. It lasted the rest of the afternoon.



















I wanted to go. I had enough. But Melissa started getting frisky with one of the "others" and it took forever to pull her away.



I was tired of passively waiting to get abducted. Something needed to get done. I found the nearest proprietor of fine goods, Dollar General, and asked where they keep their top shelf aluminum foil. I assumed it was kept under lock and key. However, all I received were some weird looks and a pointed finger directing me to American Value brand aluminum foil, located near the Ziploc bags. Sixty-four cents later, we were in business.

I figured an appropriately constructed hat would boost brain signals and alert any UFOs passing by of my willingness to go on a short trip.









Non-believers driving by were quick to pass judgment and shoot strange, dirty looks my way. I was not going to be deterred from my mission.





At some point, I think something went wrong with the satellite dish. I believe it picked up Sábado Gigante on Univision, which isn't surprising given the part of the country we are in. It's quite popular in the Southwest. Anyway, this may or may not have resulted in some slightly erratic behavior.





Regardless, no abduction took place. Much to my disappointment. I do have a blank space in my recollection of time, but Melissa insists this was due to a food coma that came as a result of a large and overdue dinner. Fun times nonetheless.