SAN FRANCISCO, CA - So, I find myself still wondering what I should do next. San Francisco is really clicking and I feel very at home. Do I want to stay around here for a while? I'm starting to think so.
I spent a lot of time on this today. I'm going to need to make some sort of decision soon. It would be roughly a two month commitment. Which really wouldn't change things much. I had planned on being gone two months initially - this would just add another month. And it would probably be the cheapest past of the trip.
What's holding me back? There is a lot back in Illinois for me. My favorite people and a nice apartment. And holidays.
But am I ready to cut and run on this trip. It has been a great adventure so far. And I've felt really good here in San Francisco. It's very hard to leave a place like this too when this is the place that was home to Kerouac and HST? There are plenty of places outside this country with much longer and richer histories. But this is America - and that is the history we have. While other countries have amazing castles and streets that are many centuries old and remnants of ancient cultures, we have none of that. We eradicated the history that was here before us. We were pretty thorough about that, unfortunately. So, what do we have? Wow, can you believe that Hendrix played there 40 years ago!
That's our history. That's the sort of legacy we have to look toward. Now, don't get me wrong, I love these things - even if I do think it's a shame that it's about as far back as we go. But this history, right here, is the history I connect with the most. We all have our thing. This feels like mine.
I wish there was more family out here. It would make it feel more acceptable. But I don't. I feel like my extended family isn't even all that close. It would be nice if they were, but it's never really been that way.
I miss you all out there. Very much. And at the same time, I feel really good here. It's strange. It's a very difficult/easy feeling. Not easily described.
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6 comments:
whatever you choose, i for one support you..we'll all be here if you choose to stay gone longer. life is too precious of a gift to feel bottled up in one place. We know how much you miss us, as we miss you nick, but you need to do whats right for you. Id feel selfish and feel as though i was cheating you if i said to come home. If your torn between staying or coming back then i think you need to stay.. you'll know without and confusion when the time is right to come home. Gee i sound lame....very unfat-jeff like huh...lol ok nuff said from me.
good luck in whatever you choose
Nick, this is YOUR time, YOUR journey. It's time to listen to YOUR heart and do whatever makes it sing. If it feels right to stay now and in 2 months it feels right to come to IL., then do that. Home and family should really be where your heart feels they are, not what your birth certificate says.
wow...fatt jeff said it all, ditto! :)
Be a fun haver, and do what feels right... I escaped to Eroupe on a similar journey and wished that I followed my gut in staying longer, do what you need to do. And don't worry about the holidays the nice thing about them, they repeat year after year, after year...
Fuck all those guys! You come home...you come home NOW! I love you and I am glad you are enjoying yourself but I miss you terribly! I'm not gonna tell you what everyone else is saying because that's not how I feel. So for selfish reasons...I say get your ass home! California will always be California...Illinois can't be Illinois without you!
<3
M
"hendrix played here 40 years ago...."
With history like that, who needs fucking castles?
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