Against The Stream

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - I was sitting in a cafe yesterday trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my night. A copy of the Onion in hand, I scanned through the available activities. There were plenty of cool shows to check out: Architecture in Helsinki, Yo La Tengo, and Ghostface Killah were all in town for the night. But it just didn't seem to be clicking.

So I hopped online and found an interesting website called Going which had quite a bit about daily SF activities. But what was the first one I saw? A lecture by Noah Levine.

Let me back up a few years. I was walking around the Chicago Warped Tour years ago and this guy grabs me by the arm and urges me to check out this book called Dharma Punx. The cover was intriguing as was the topic of Buddhism. I talked with him a little bit about the story and related info. It was certainly a pleasant conversation. I explained that I only had $10 on me and couldn't afford it. He said he'd be happy with the $10 and grabbed the copy of the book. Inside he scrawled, "Meditate and Destroy," and signed, "Noah Levine." Walking off, I felt pretty good about the purchase.

I read the book and loved it. It was a great personal story about his life - struggling, failing, and his slow search for peace. It was simply written and very accessible. The book saw a lot of hands over the years as I loaned it out to many clients in recovery. The thing that always amazed me was that the book always found its way back to me. I've had plenty of other books stolen when people left treatment, but not this one. Before I left that table st the Warped Tour, he asked me to email him and let him know what I thought. I have always regretted not doing that. I've never been sure why I didn't. Pointless anxiety, I guess.

In the years since reading that book, I continued to search for what I really think is the ultimate truth. I'm still looking and haven't felt satisfied with anything out there. Buddhism has always felt the most comfortable/true/real/accurate but lately I've felt pretty fed up with the way Buddhism has been twisted over the years. I believe Buddha himself said on his deathbed that this system would be corrupted within 500 years... and he was right. It has now been turned into a religion full of gods and heavens and hells and rituals and bullshit. And I had lost interest in trying to sort through it all. But I did always enjoy that book.

While at Powell's Bookstore in Portland, I saw his new book, Against the Stream. I looked it over and part of me really wanted to buy it. But it's new, I'm short on cash, and Buddhism has frustrated me in general lately. So I set it down and went on my way.

Since that day (all of, what, a week ago?), I kept thinking about that book and was feeling regret about not grabbing it. Granted, it's available at bookstores all over, but I was still wishing I had grabbed it that day. Then I saw he was speaking in SF. As soon as I read this and did a quick mental calculation, I realized I had just enough time to catch a bus to my car to grab clothes for tomorrow, then catch two buses to the address the lecture was located.

I made it with 15 minutes to spare and had a chance to look around. The lecture was located at the California Institute for Integrated Studies (CIIS), a place that continues to send me literature to this day because I had considered continuing my education there. An interesting place.

I sat up front and enjoyed the lecture immensely. It was titled "Buddha was a Social Activist" and it was basically about everything I had been feeling about Buddhism thus far. I don't need a religion in my life, just a little more guidance. Noah spoke at length about how Buddhism today is very different from what the Buddha was teaching about how to live. There's a lot of bullshit now. He peppered the discussion with a few "fucks" and "shits" every now and then, which was good to hear from someone lecturing on Buddhism.

He talked about this being a "realm of confusion" which definitely fits what I've been feeling about the world. He also talked about how all the bad can't, and won't, be changed in this world. The talk was straightforward and very clear. It wasn't a religious discussion, instead much more like a philosophical debate.

Afterward, I grabbed a copy of the new book and paid a little extra for a bumper sticker (they were taking any amount for these and it seemed appropriate to try to repay the favor for initially giving me the first book greatly discounted). A small group had gathered around him to talk, so I waited patiently. When I had a chance to greet him, I told him a brief version of meeting him at the Warped Tour, which he laughed about. I explained my current trip (as best I could) and we discussed briefly this personal search that I'm on. I explained that I'm not sure where I want to live, but I definitely need a place where there are some resources I can utilize that aren't a bunch of bullshit - San Francisco is seeming nice. He explained he knew of some resources in Chicago and asked me to email him so he could write back. He also invited me to come to a meditation group he's hosting tonight. Then we parted ways.

I felt good about going and was having a great day. Then I began thinking about today. Day of the Dead. Dia De Los Muertos. Every year it's celebrated on Nov. 2nd in Sf. I had planned on going down to see the procession and spend the night hanging out. Now what? I felt torn. The procession begins at 7pm in southern SF and the meditation group begins at 7:30pm by Golden Gate Park.

Then I realized, it was decided for me. He had invited me to come check it out. I can't say no. Done and done. I'm excited for it. It'll be nice to meet some like-minded people.